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03 March 2009 @ 12:43 am
HEROES BREAKS MY BRAYN (heroes_meta)  
I feel like I've been run over by a TRUCK. And I LIKE it. Oh, show, you make me so happy in a codependent emotionally blackmailing evil sort of way.



This was undoubtedly the Episode of the Badasses.

1) "Exposed." Oh, GOD I love porn-movie title episodes. You can take your seat at the bar over near "The Kindness of Strangers" and "Better Halves," as well as most of the episode titles in Hana Yori Dango. (Seriously. Him, Me, and That Guy? Night of Love in Atami? Warm Night of Betrayal? DOMYOJI WON'T COME!?!??? oh, but I digress...)

2) Alex: "I might take a wrong turn at Albuquerque!"
Claire: "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet... they'we hunting tewwowists!"

3) New Spinoff Series: Mr. Muggles. SUPERDETECTIVE.

*Mr. MUGGLES, BADASS #1*

4) Oh, Claire. You stole $300? Didn't you see Dirty Dancing? I'd freak out if I were Sandra, too. That's how much it cost Richard Marx's wife to get the abortion.

5) All in all, one of the less awkward ways Sandra has met the boys in her daughter's life.

6) Noah. For REAL? You have a bach pad in DUPONT CIRCLE? This is NOT going to quell the rumor about you and Nathan shacking up. I expect to see you at Diner having an intimate chat over late-night pancakes.

7) OK, Peter and Matt? So cute. Their energies really complement each other. I would ship it, but I ship everyone/everyone already.

8) Noah's in Dupont. Daphne's on E Street. LOLWUT? Everyone's local! CMON EVIL GUVVIES, LET'S GO HAVE A DRINK IN ADAMS MORGAN! ::dies:: Can you imagine how squee-ish I'd be if I lived in New York?

9) I'm starting to want an illuminated Danko bust for my desk. His skin is so freaking white. If you put a lightbulb inside that dome, it'd be just perfect mood lighting.

10) Sandra: "Um, Claire, you're supposed to say he can breathe underwater so I WON'T think you're having sex, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!"

11) OK, I'm starting to get really conflicted about Luke. He whines. He bitches. He moans. And yet I really, really like him. (Does that make me Sylar? Yikes!)

12) Claire being proactive, NOW UR FINALLY DOIN IT RITE, SHOW! This is how it should be. And Sandra + Claire as the Dynamic Duo? Win.

13) Hello, pretty agent girl in the car! I hope you don't end up as someones love interest. Or dead. Or both.

14) Sandra has a plan. OF COURSE Sandra has a plan.

*SANDRA, BADASS #2*

15) Why are they in front of the World Bank? That's like 20th and I!

16) I would like Matt to stare at me and then I will suggest the penthouse suite and :drools incoherently: sorry, what was I saying?

17) That's right boys, go up in the ELEVATOR and walk down the HALLWAY. :eyeroll:

18) You know what? I would like BOTH Peter and Matt to stare at me. And then :drools doubly incoherently: guh guh no guh.

19) Seriously, how adorable are they together? with the giggly and the I love this. Oh, GOD show, you and your crazy ships, i love you so.

20) MATT'S SMIRK IS MADE OF WIN. OMG. ajke;fljal;fjl;eafakfl;;lkjeklajflk;eajf

**BADASS #3: MATT*

21) How do we love Sandra Bennet? Let us count the ways. License grabbing. License fakery. Loving DEF LEPPARD. There is a world of awesome out there and its name is Sandra Bennet. In fact, I think that Sandra gets double badass billing today. She rocked harder than it was possible to rock.

**BADASS #4: BONUS SANDRA!**

22) I demand dubcon/noncon fic about Luke learning some fucking RESPECT.

23) OK, How old WAS chibi-Gabey when he was sold to his uncle? He looks at least 6. I have memories from when I was 6. I know, I know, repression and whatnot, but... I thought he was sold as a baby. I mean, why bother with the potty training and THEN sell him? what's up with that? Once you have it housebroken, you might as well keep it!

24) OK. I've been ragging on Luke, but his throaty voice in this ep was kind of sexy. In a jailbait, forbidden fruit kind of way. Am I going to hell now?

25) Cut to the Claire Bear Stare. And who can blame her?

*BADASS #5: Alex's pecs*

26) Apparently the government's official facial recognition software is fooled by contact lenses. Way to go, gummint.

27) Claire, don't you recognize that place? Isn't that where you hid from Sylar in the Volume That Shall Not Be Named? Duh.

28) Oh, PLEASE don't be a day player, pretty agent lady. Please come back. Please have a name.

29) I vote for flushing Alex down the toilet and having him swim through the sewers. He's skinny enough to fit in the pipes.

30) HELLO BOYS EVEN IF DAPHNE'S NOT HERE, MOMO MOST LIKELY IS, HALLOHHHHHHHHHHHHH

31) Wait, Matt's senses become raw nerves? Do you know what that piece of information does to every psychic-sex fic I've ever written? I LOVE YOU, SHOW!

32) Disturbed!Sylar is pretty awesome, but I really could live without hearing him whimper, "Mommy......."

33) OK, I need screenshots for every frame of that unbelievable bit of wordless acting just before the break. How many emotions did he go through without even saying a word? That's fucking brilliant is what that is. WOW. Breath stolen moment.

34) Angela: "I would never betray you. And this is not an object lesson about how you're treating your brother. Not at all."

35) PETER YOU BASTARD, you're gonna spring Matt and Daphne and leave Momo to ROT?! You people are HEARTLESS!

36) Now I'm confused about something seriously. If anything happens to Peter, Matt, or his beard Daphne, the videos will be released. How? I thought maybe through Rebel, but in that case, if Rebel can get into the Building 26 computers, why didn't he just steal the vid and release it anyway? Why would it be any less credible if he'd just done that? I don't understand how that works.

37) "Because you love me." My show loves me, yes I know, cause the subtext tells me so...

38) THE PETRELLI HUG STRIKES AGAIN. Good Peter, you finally have learned from your mistakes. Well played.

*BADASS #6: PETER*

39) I give mad props to the Pasdar Profile of Prettiness. HOW PRETTY IS HE? omg.

*BADASS #7: PASDAR's PROFILE*

40) Wait, stop, that's our media? They're shocked and outraged and can claim a "clear violation of constitutional liberties" from an anonymously submitted videotape? that's OUR media? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! How do THEY know it's American citizens, anyway? What the hell is that? Gimme a fucking break. I can say no more, I am bound to silence.

41) OH NO YOU DIDN'T DANKO (O_O)

*BADASSES #8 & 9: DANKO AND THE FUCKING WRITERS WHO ROCK MY FUCKING WORLD*

42) I always thought Ashley Crow resembled the actress who played Joyce Summers; now it seems to be a clear homage. And I am loving it.

43) D'oh(le)!


Hai hai, dozo, please do offer your thoughts. hugs
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aquasnake08aquasnake08 on March 3rd, 2009 06:39 am (UTC)
9) I'm starting to want an illuminated Danko bust for my desk. His skin is so freaking white. If you put a lightbulb inside that dome, it'd be just perfect mood lighting.

-ROFLMAO omg, that would be the best and the scariest thing ever! I am going to have nightmares of such awesome!

- Sandra just wins so hard this whole episode

- loving the new guy. Couldn't stand West in S2. Zach was good, but new guy is pretty and not a total douche! to boot.

-I cried for ChibiGray. That kid is too damn cute.

- Nathan wins serious existence points for this ep in reverting back to his good old ways.

-Danko loses several yet remains at badass with what he did to Matt. That's just ruthless and COLD.

Always love your metas 83 I look forward to them weekly
10% literal, 90% metaphor: I don't believe you : Lukespeccygeekgrrl on March 3rd, 2009 06:40 am (UTC)
MATT. AND PETER, FOR ONCE. AND BABY!SYLAR. ~ANGELA.~

FUCKING SANDRA BENNET OMG SHE'S AWESOME.

Alex's pecs, yes, but that underwater kiss? I got tingles in my no-no place. HOTNESS.

22) I demand dubcon/noncon fic about Luke learning some fucking RESPECT.

I can do this. Oh, I can do this.

Finally: OMFG FUCK DANKO PETER SHOULD HAVE SHOT HIM UGH UGH UGH HATE SO MUCH. Dx

Edited at 2009-03-03 06:41 am (UTC)
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on March 3rd, 2009 06:46 am (UTC)
Oh, that kiss was totally hot. CLAIRE you've finally found a boy (and an attitude) I kind of like. Don't fuck it UP.
laura.e: heroes. elleashesfor_trees on March 3rd, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
22) I demand dubcon/noncon fic about Luke learning some fucking RESPECT.

I can do this. Oh, I can do this.


And I would read it if you did it. and then deny to everyone that I had read it (and probably enjoyed it immensely) :p
10% literal, 90% metaphor: not an exhibitionist : Lukespeccygeekgrrl on March 3rd, 2009 05:57 pm (UTC)
I'm a bad, bad person. :/ I like Luke... but yeah I want to make him cry >.>
laura.e: hp. stop voldemortashesfor_trees on March 3rd, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)
Haha, I just like when Sylar mistreats people.
and by "people" I mean "men," because I think guy/girl noncon/dubcon is one of my squicks.
Ally: Heidi/Sylar Picturesilikethequiet on March 3rd, 2009 07:00 am (UTC)
ILU SANDRA! SO MUCH!

It's funny, whenever I do my review I always stop and comment meaninglessly on Pasdar's wardrobe, could it be because I can't take my eyes off him?

I think pretty agent lady is Rachel Mills, she's been featured in some of the web episodes so I've been told.

The Art of Feeling Stickykethni on March 3rd, 2009 07:31 am (UTC)
23 made me laugh so hard the electrcian came in and gawped at me :) Loved Matt's smirks of pride coming before a fall. Take me now Matt! :)
evil15smilesevil15smiles on March 3rd, 2009 07:42 am (UTC)
Dude, since season 2, I've been insisting that Sandra is my mom. Like, she's exactly like my mom. And this episode just proved it. There were reverent whispers of "Your mom IS Mama Bennet," throughout the episode.

Baby!Gaby! I loved him. I just wanted to squeeze him until he grew up and became the serial killer I'm so desperate to rail.

Peter! Hugs! Total slut for them! And for once, he was the Mata Hari of Hugs! (whoa, new Peter nickname. Calm yehself.)

Also, tag team of Parkman and Peter! I will call them ParkMeter. "I love doing that." "Right!?" I totally died.

Nathan better be goddamn serious about being nice again. Seeing my favorite gay-for-each-other brothers in peril is breaking my heart.

Luke! Luke. He's annoying and I love him, and I swear their (I'm sure final) scene together was just a photocopied fanfiction from my brain with the porny bits removed.

Alex; much cooler than I expected. Not as cool as Zach. Incomparably cooler than West, the Creepy Flying Stalker.

Claire IS doing much better these days, but why is she looking so icky? The hair. And the skin tone. Bleh. Do not want.

Also? I'm pretty sure "Building 26" is where they slowly put characters that they don't know what to do with for the time being, and they just disappear until someone gets a good idea. Tracy, Daphne, AND Mohinder. All gone. Shown restrained, then vanished from the face of earth. I suspect foul play.

Okay. Now that I've thoroughly abused your comment box... XD

(will try to post as Sark tomorrow. Every time I try I just freeze up.)
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on March 3rd, 2009 12:57 pm (UTC)
You want I should edit Peter to make it less goofy? Sark is fine to be like LOLWUT at the theme rooms. they're based on shibuya love hotels and karaoke rooms, lol.

I think Hayden has Lohan disease. Young adult star = omgwtfness incoming.

PARK METER FTW %_% I love you for this. SO MUCH.

I do not think Nathan is serious about being good again, sorry :D
(Deleted comment)
laura.e: television addictashesfor_trees on March 3rd, 2009 05:52 pm (UTC)
Pretty Girl in the Car was in Supernatural, and she was kind of a love interest, but she didn't end up dead! Maybe her character will follow along the same lines :p
PS her name is Private Rachel Mills and apparently she's a regular in the Webisodes, but I've never watched them. Her actress is Taylor Cole :)

and they gave us TWO MATT SMIRKS!! Made. My. Life.

the Petrelli Hug should be classified as a lethal weapon. partially because they keep using it to get one up on each other, and partially because the Petrellis are so sexy that if I were ever embraced by one of them I would probably have a heart attack of PURE JOY.
Oh no she di-n't: Sara Phonejyoki on March 3rd, 2009 10:23 pm (UTC)
@ (28)

I think she's a character from the mini series on the site. Her name's Rachel Mills

Linkage: http://heroeswiki.com/Rachel
the_other_sandy: Peter & Nathanthe_other_sandy on March 4th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
Random drive-by via ninth_wonders.

1) Oh, GOD I love porn-movie title episodes.

My favorite is from Gurren Lagann: "Bust Through the Heavens with Your Drill!!"

37) "Because you love me." My show loves me, yes I know, cause the subtext tells me so...

The Petrellis totally broke my awesome meter this week, as did Sandra.

I'm afraid I hate Luke with the fiery heat of a thousand suns, though. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside every time Sylar telekinetically slams him into a solid object.
jaune_chatjaune_chat on March 6th, 2009 02:25 pm (UTC)
Oh the wins darling, so many wins. Your badass spotting was right on! Sandra wins so many times!

Peter and Matt do make a great couple, they really do. I'm hoping that they just don't know Mohinder is there, or otherwise that would be kinda callus, ya know, leaving him there and all. Or maybe they're both still pissed at him, who knows? Or the writers forgot. That happens. A lot.

Yeah, the age at which Sylar is sold has been waffling since they brought the whole concept up. Though the dirtybadwrong thoughts from when Luke was pinned up against the wall don't have me waffling at all. Except in a good way. Syke waffle... (I'm going straight to hell.)

Hmm, I agree with you about Rebel. If Rebel can hack into the computers, why COULDN'T he get the files out himself? Makes no sense, except for needing Matt and Peter to actually, ya know, accomplish something substatial while they were there. Well, they did accomplish the creation of some great icons and have some very pretty close-ups, so it wasn't a total loss.

Very funny reading, as always darling!
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on March 6th, 2009 02:27 pm (UTC)
we were totally reading each other's meta at the same time. dead of the lulz!!