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28 April 2009 @ 12:38 am
HEROES 3x25 Meta-ta-ta!  
SEASON FINALITIS!



The theme of this episode: Finding things to say that could be euphemisms for Let's Go Have Sex.

1) We open on Noah continuing to know his shit. Apparently this includes how to sneak into D.C. Sends Claire hiking with Grandma, takes a hit for the team. Al Qaeda is furiously taking notes.

2) Sylar kicks ass and washes hands, then is a total James Bond villain and explains his entire plot. There's terrible CGI as he morphs into Dankovision - the entire lower right quarter of the screen changes in one big glorp- and Sylar ends up being clever enough that I forgive him for explaining his entire plot like a total James Bond villain.

DISCUSSION QUESTION: James Bond vs. Sylar. GO.

3) Claire apparently skirts right through Capitol security. Post 9/11, post THERE ARE PEEPS WIT SUPERPOWERS security. Angela goes to chase some younger tail, but who can blame her? Claire, meanwhile, stomps up into Nathan's office and declares herself the senator's previously unknown, illegitimate daughter. Secretary is ready to call press agent and crisis communications expert, but Nathan says "Naww, send her in." Um, hello? Keeping Claire's identity secret was supposed to cost you that House seat back in season one. I guess once you make it to the Senate, all is forgiven.

What am I talking about? They gave Ted Stevens a standing ovation. Of course all is forgiven once you're in the Senate. Duh.

By the way: Memo to Claire: If you ask someone "How do I know it's really you?" and they say "What do you mean? I'm me," it's not really them. Please make a note of it. Love, Tippy.

4) Hiro is momentarily swayed by the concept that he might go boom a la Fist of the North Star. Then again, he probably grew up watching that show and loves the idea.

5) As I work in the dee-cee and am not allowed to state my political philosophy, I would just like to offer the following choose-your-own-adventure statement: How awesome was the frog-march to the cell! God, I wish they'd do that to (Karl Rove/John Murtha/Lawmaker of Your Choice)!

6) Real!Nathan wakes up feeling like he did after the tequila shots. Gives us a bit of a plumber's midriff for a minute. Damn the camera for not zooming. Peter comes in and gives him the Eyeroll of Ultimate Snark. :Snuggles Peter: You get no respect, my hot mama.

7) Meanwhile, Danko has turned into Eeyore, and that makes Noah Winnie the Pooh by comparison. My brain explodes, only able to revive itself at the lines "He moved the spot." "Great." Somehow that exchange won all the prizes ever.

***Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex #1: "Let's do something about this." "Together." With a dark room and a flat wooden bench.***

8) Hiro and Ando are cute and cute some more.

***Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex #2: "I have a good idea." While looking at horizontal, drugged Mohinder. Yeah, I've got a good idea, too.***

9) Mohinder has ewwie slicked hair, but his face is still so pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. blblblblb. ::sinks::

***Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex #3: "Mmm.. this is fun." However, Claire should not be fooled by this; Sylar would really rather fuck her daddies than her any day.****

10) Sylar = a sick fuck. And apparently in the pedovan with us Lyle lovers. Incidentally, I thought Claire was gonna unleash some whoopass when he got Lyle's name wrong. THAT'S IT, you DO NOT FUCK WITH MY SEXY BROTHER! ::whips & chains::

11) We get the big I love yous from the boys. And then the climactic battle happens that we don't get to see. Heroes fails at stimulating the economy with more expensive f/x.

***Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex #4: "Ungh!" "Ahh!" "*grunt*!" Hey, I couldn't see what was going on behind those doors. What else am I supposed to think?***

12) OH GOD SYLAR WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE THROAT??? :chokes:

***Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex #5: "Come with me." Spoken with a touch of lust by Angela. Matt says, EWWWWW.***

13) Badass Matt is badass, but only very briefly before he is pussywhipped by the tag team of Angela and Noah. Dude, this guy can't decide on a woman for himself. You think he's gonna be able to do a lasting personality transplant? FAIL.

14) WTF was that sign by the kitchen? Beware of roller derbys? It looked like one of the warning signs from Portal.

15) OK, Sylar killed Rahm Emanuel. Fucking bastard.

16) PETER ROCKS THE FUCKING WORLD FOREVER AND EVER. For a minute I thought the president had a superpower-- now THAT woulda rocked. But I'll take this in a pinch. ::luffs Peter:: ::humps Peter a little:: Give mama some sugar.

17) See #13 for comments about the as-expected personality transfer. Guys, I sympathize with you, I really do. But it's about time they got rid of someone. Sorry it had to be flyboy. He shall live forever in our hearts. Along with Adam, Elle, Nuclear Ted, and The Ali Formerly Known as Niki.

18) The bonfire scene: just a big excuse for me to make a zillion screencaps. MATTMO! "The company!" MO gets touchy-feely! Profile-to-profile Moheter! All the while Mohinder babbling in the background. I tune him out. The visual did it for me.

***Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex #6: "It's time for us to go home, Ando." DID YOU KNOW that in anime, having a nosebleed actually signifies being horny? TRUFAX.***

19) Six weeks later, the pipes burst in the poor guy's apartment and he's totally ripped off when he doesn't get Darryl Hannah out of the deal. I watched at my gym today as the pipes overhead sprung four leaks. When do I get my naked beefcake, huh? HUH?

20) O NOES, NATHAN LOVES CLOCKS. The real creepy part will be when he realizes he's attracted to Claire. Oh, wait. That was true of the real Nathan. Damn.......

21) I thought we were gonna get Claude and Monica and Adam this time! or did they just let that slip so we'd all run to buy the DVD when it comes out in a vain hope it's in the cutscenes? Enquiring minds want to know!



SEE YOU NEXT SEASON HEROESNERDS <3
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Jayne L.: profitcrazyserrico on April 28th, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)
Phrase that really means Let's Go Have Sex

Did Nathan and Peter's plan for how they were each going to "take" Sylar (his top and bottom, respectively) not make the list because it was way too goddamn obvious, or what? *g*
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on April 28th, 2009 06:29 am (UTC)
no, it probably didn't make it because it's impossible for me to write everything down while i'm having constant fangasms :P Consider it Addendum #1. :D
Seraphyne nicGaia: Nathanmydnight_dreams on April 28th, 2009 06:57 am (UTC)
Oh and come on?! Peter's first lines of the night to Nathan, 'Bet you're happy to see me.' !! That has to make the list. Seriously WHO IS WRITING PETER'S LINES?!
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on April 28th, 2009 12:00 pm (UTC)
Addendum #2! :D
(Deleted comment)
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on April 28th, 2009 12:00 pm (UTC)

MARRY ME.

Laura.imthelonely_one on April 28th, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)

20) O NOES, NATHAN LOVES CLOCKS. The real creepy part will be when he realizes he's attracted to Claire. Oh, wait. That was true of the real Nathan. Damn.......

LMAO MTE
jaune_chatjaune_chat on April 30th, 2009 08:49 pm (UTC)
Oh Tippy, look at all the pretty sexual innuendo you highlighted! That somehow makes everything just a little more amusing to watch.

Totally agree on Matt's Look of Doom to HRG at the bonfire. This mental mojo ain't going to last forever, and it's going to suck so hardcore when it fades.

Of everyone thay they could have killed, I wished it hadn't been Nathan. But if we HAD to transform Sylar into someone, Nathan was the best choice. Adrian Pasdar does great Sylarisms. He's so creepy with the clock!