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07 May 2010 @ 11:30 pm
Random Dean/Cas& TFW - set during 5x21....  
So what came out of my fingertips was not a bunch of different reunions but one continuous set of missing-scenes... With some musical inspiration... enjoy

The bus took forever. And Castiel knew from forever. He'd never had to travel so much before. Even that one road trip he'd taken in the back of the car paled in comparison. This didn't have the leather luxury or the good company of the Impala. This was a cramped little seat and a man next to him who snored, and Castiel looked at his hands and felt like the biggest screw-up in the history of Creation.

Was he going to spend forever like this? Handicapped, hampered? Unable to do anything he'd taken for granted for so long? How could Anna have chosen this life, knowing what she'd known?

Then again, he couldn't really say that. He had known some of humanity, too. And when he really thought about it, he couldn't say that he didn't understand her decision. He'd made a very similar one himself.

And that's where he was going, after all. Back to the humans he'd learned to care about. And that was the truth, wasn't it? It wasn't just that he depended on them to stop the End. This was no longer some altruistic crusade to set reality on edge for the sake of the nameless, faceless innocent people out there. He was fighting to protect something that was important to him. People who were important to him. Dean. And Sam. And even Bobby, cranky as he was, and the lady at the coffeehouse in Sioux Falls who called him "son." And Dean. First, last, and always, Dean.

Dean. That syllable propelled him forward toward home, and he kept riding.

Michibitte kureru no wa ano hi kikoeta kimi no kotoba - The words I heard you say that day are guiding me on. (Cloud 9 - Sakamoto Maaya)

A speck of angel was all it took and the air cleared. Castiel stood, his lungs still scraping and his stomach still jumping, but alive.

Dean was on his feet a minute later, clasping him close. "Jesus," he whispered, "we worried about you, dude."

Castiel smiled and leaned into the embrace. "I'm glad to see you as well," he said, feeling quite a fool for being so happy himself. The world was ending and he was powerless. Everything was going wrong. But here he was. In the same room with Dean and Sam, fighting alongside them again.

When Sam came up and pulled him into the sort of hug that would put a Cupid to shame, Castiel made a little noise of discomfort. His ribs weren't healed. Sam apologized hastily and backed off. Cas found himself laughing.

"Oh, man," Dean said, and then stopped himself.

Cas thought he knew what Dean wanted to say. Feels good to have you back.

Kimi wo kimi wo aishiteru, kokoro de mitsumeteiru -- I love you, I love you, I'm gazing at you with my heart. (Yakusoku wa Iranai -- Sakamoto Maaya)

The ride back to Bobby's was silent. The car rumbled uncomfortably over the pavement, potholes hitting it hard. Castiel make a noise as the frame jerked. He wasn't used to feeling it.

"I still feel sick to my stomach," he muttered. "From whatever Pestilence was doing."

"You feel sick to your stomach," Sam said sagely, "because you just got out of the hospital and Dean's driving like a maniac."

"Shotgun shuts his piehole," Dean declared. Sam shrugged and smiled at Cas.

Castiel looked at him and tried to smile back. He was remembering right now what it was to fly. It was so peaceful, so quick and so ethereal. A flutter of wings, a rush of wind, and that was all there was. He could be home by now. He could soar in the sphere as long as he wanted.

He could, once upon a time. Not anymore.

But there was warmth down here on the ground. And while that didn't really mitigate the frustration of having ability torn away from him, it was something to experience on its own terms.

"You could stand to slow down," he said.

Dean's face in the rearview mirror turned crimson, and then he pointed a finger. "You want to take another bus?" he demanded.

Now Sam was grinning. And Cas felt weirdly like he'd just taken flight.

You fly over the earth. Can't you see I am tied to the ground? (In the Air - L'arc en Ciel)

At Bobby's, they had beers and sat around the fireplace. Castiel had been here once before, takig a picture in front of this very hearth, and he wondered if that picture had been saved. He thought he might like to have it, now that he was going to be prey to the human failings of memory. Perhaps in time he could have another taken.

Not tonight, though.

"So you're humanated," Bobby said, looking him over. "You still look like you've been through the spin cycle. Smell worse, though." He waved his hand in front of his face and wheeled away.

I suppose I should take a shower," Castiel said, frowning. "I've never taken one before."

"And it shows," Bobby yelled back at him. Dean was in the back of the room drinking a beer. Castiel thought about asking him for help, but something about that scenario made him unduly nervous, and he withdrew. He'd go to the bathroom himself and figure it out.

He was on the way when Dean hollered after. "Hold up."

He turned and got a beer bottle pressed into his hands.

Dean lifted his own. "Welcome to the human race," he said. "Cheers."

Maybe the shower could wait a minute. Castiel lifted his and popped off the cap.

Rekishi no fukai te ni hikarete, osanai hi no kaerimichi -- Pulled by the deep hand of history, to the road back home to a long-gone day (Winter Again -- Glay)

The shower was frustrating. It was hard to breathe with all the steam and there was so very little room to move. Castiel found himself looking through the hazy air down at his body. The scarring would not heal, not for a long time. He'd have that reminder in the center of his chest constantly staring up at him, aching, reminding him of what he'd done.

His hand curled into a fist, and he looked at it, saw the way the muscles tensed. When he squeezed too hard, it hurt. He thought about punching the wall. No. It would be like when Dean tried to punch him. Castiel didn't need any more pain than he already had.

The pain was taunting him. It was there precisely to make him sick with what he'd lost. With how little he'd be able to offer from now on. He was nothing. He was just another speck of humanity in a sea of fools marching proudly forward, not realizing their days were coming to a close. Tears of frustration were building up behind his eyes. It was damn hard to breathe. Too much steam.

A knock on the door. "Cas? You OK in there?" Dean's voice.

Cas shouted back. "I'm fine."

"Well, don't use up all the hot water. I'm pretty stank right now too."

"How much is there?" There didn't seem to be any way to tell when it was used up, so how could he--

Then he heard the snicker behind the door. "Never mind. Just get done soon, OK?"

He'd said something unintentionally hilarious again. It was going to be like that for a while, wasn't it?

This time he did punch the wall. And yes, it hurt.

Yasumu koto no nai lonely train sugite yuku eki wa subete maboroshi na no -- The lonely train never stops, and each station it approaches is an illusion (Imitation Love - Siam Shade)

Dry, wearing his shirt and a pair of Sam's sweats, he sat by the window. "I have a lot to get used to," he said quietly.

"It's OK," Dean said. "We'll get you through it."

It wasn't what Cas expected to hear. He looked up.

Dean was right there, over his shoulder, looking up at the moon along with him. The two of them, a still, silent tableau. For a minute or two they just stared.

"It's good to see you, man," Dean said softly.

Castiel smiled. "Thank you."

Dean put a hand on his shoulder. In that moment, warm and quiet, Castiel felt the storm inside him abate. He didn't need angelic powers or even for the ache in his bones to let up. He was glad to be right where he was.

Nani mo nai heya de kimi to watashi ga ite kiseki no you na hirusagari -- You and I, in this room together as the afternoon wears on like a miracle (Hero)

The Soul is:: peacefulpeaceful
Kevin Jonesmulder200 on May 8th, 2010 04:23 am (UTC)
Ah! That's just perfect!
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 8th, 2010 04:35 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
pandapandatini on May 8th, 2010 05:54 am (UTC)
gdfkl;k;ldfsg;kldgk;l;klkfals;d;klfsad boys <3
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 8th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
thank you bb! you always make me smile with your incoherence.
SPACE GANDALF: wonder boys - ethiatrinityofone on May 8th, 2010 06:55 am (UTC)
I love these scenes! Just what I needed post that episode, emotionally.
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 8th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
ooh, glad it scratched the itch!
Emily.  Just Emily.: SPN - Cas Sexydarth_firefly on May 8th, 2010 11:37 am (UTC)
Aww.. that was fantastic.
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 8th, 2010 02:32 pm (UTC)
thanks so much for encouraging me to write!
ladywilde80: <supernatural> castielladywilde80 on May 10th, 2010 12:10 am (UTC)

You're totally, single-handily making me ship it and ship it hard.

Soooooo good XD
Tiptoe39: evil gabrieltiptoe39 on May 10th, 2010 12:11 am (UTC)

does this mean i get to read your dean/cas soon?
ladywilde80ladywilde80 on May 10th, 2010 12:15 am (UTC)

Right now the fic is determined to breed to epic proportions and I'm currently stuck somewhere around chpt 3. What I really need is a good idea for an angsty, slightly smutty one shot.

Any suggestions? *wink, wink*
Tiptoe39: broken castiptoe39 on May 10th, 2010 12:17 am (UTC)
5x21. cas has gone human. dean shows him that feeling pain and/or feeling vulnerable can be a good thing. go. :D
ladywilde80: <text>  you should try itladywilde80 on May 10th, 2010 12:20 am (UTC)

one angsty dialogue heavy blow job scene coming right up
Tiptoe39: gabriel - that was all metiptoe39 on May 10th, 2010 12:21 am (UTC)