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05 November 2011 @ 04:34 pm
And don't you know I want my life to be something more than long  
So in preparation for my audition, this morning I sat down and finally bit the bullet and watched the pilot of Glee.

Whether this was an incredibly smart thing to do or incredibly foolish, I'm really not sure yet. One thing I do know: it was the right thing to wait until now to see it.

Because if I had watched that show with no sense that I would ever have a chance to do something like that again, I would have been inconsolable.

As it was, I cried so hard afterward for about 20 minutes.

It was Rachel who said the words that got to me -- "If you're a part of something special, you are special." That's just it. That's the whole point, that's my whole life. I feel so much like I'm on the outside looking in. I'm just coming off another experience that was less than fulfilling, because once I got involved with all these people and felt I had to live up to their talent, I choked completely and ended up contributing only a minimal amount. That's what happens with me. I'm either a big fish in a small pond, or I make the extra effort to challenge myself and try to swim with the big fishes and I am swallowed up immediately. I'm sick of doing that, you know? I want to try my damnedest to get involved with something and follow through once I'm in. I want to be part of something special... and be someone special within it.

If I wanted this before because it was a Chance to Be on TV, I want it doubly because of what the message I gleaned from the pilot was. There's a place where I can both shine and belong. I just have to find it.

I'm 33 years old, man. If I don't have this dream now and go with it, as stupid and reality-show crazy as it is, I don't know when I'll get the chance again.

I asked already, but I'm asking again.

Please Like the video. Please share it. Feel free to use my words if you want. I'm just lit on fire by this, and I want to be able to go to NYC and have them say "Hey, you've got like 1,000 likes on your video, sure, come on in and audition for the casting director instead of these aides." I'm at 175 likes right now, which is amazing, but I have to figure out how to harness the power of the Web to get a bit more publicity.

Can you guys help? In any way you can?

Thank you thank you thank you forever and ever.

BTW, if I get through this and get noticed enough to make an album, I'll be writing SPN cast tribute songs. No, really. Check Kim Rhodes' and Gabe Tigerman's twitter feeds ;D
aerilexaerilex on November 6th, 2011 01:21 am (UTC)
It only lets me "Like" once a day (pouty-face) but I'll keep doing it anyway! <3!!
Allyilikethequiet on November 6th, 2011 05:56 am (UTC)
When you say you watched the pilot (Which is epic btw) does that mean you've not seen the other eps/seasons? I am curious about this!
wolfrider89: Dean owns impalawolfrider89 on November 6th, 2011 09:17 pm (UTC)
I'm really rooting for you, and I'm gonna go and like it again now. Crossing my fingers and toes and other extremities!