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16 May 2012 @ 11:13 am
Some Cas feels  

Producer’s preview. “Off his rocker,” says Crowley. “Crazy,” says Misha.

I don’t think Castiel is crazy.

I think he’s just incomprehensible to lesser forms of existence. Misha’s talked about it, hasn’t he? How the breaking down of “walls” in Sam’s mind drove him insane but in Cas’s mind it just shows him the entirety of the universe in all its absurdity.

Imagine for an angel who started out with no free will, seeing the universe for what it is?

My darling moorishflower told me once about a quote that said only art and the universe exist for their own sake. What is the point of existence? This is the question that cannot be answered, the reason so many humans turn to religion and mythology. But imagine you’re part of that mythology/religion. You exist to give humans a reason to live, but what of yourself? Do you have a reason for yourself to exist? When there’s nothing beyond you, you are it.

Or perhaps Cas is seeing in the bees, the route of the flowers, the divine pattern … maybe there is a purpose put there by his father. Or maybe there’s none. Maybe the flowers are spelling out the absurd meaninglessness of their own existence.

If these things exist just to exist, why wouldn’t Castiel see all bits of it as having equal significance? Why wouldn’t the minutiae of cats’ biology and the wars of leviathans have the same importance to him? If it all exists for its own sake, why is any topic greater than any other, and why should he not avoid things that make him feel bad?

I was there once, in the midst of my depression. I likened it to peeling an onion. With each “why” you ask, a layer is peeled off. And if you keep asking “why” to each answer you get, the layers get thinner and thinner, until  you have the center, which is a dot. A diameter of zero. There’s nothing in the middle. Just layers to cover up that there’s nothing.  That’s what I felt about life and existence when I was sick. I had to build up a reason to exist from that nothing. Cas is in the same place.

I’m gonna self-pimp a bit right now because I have written fics that discuss this deconstructed view of the universe. I wrote a ficset once called Beside the Highway that analyzed Castiel’s progression from Season 4 to the beginning of Season 5. Talked about how Cas saw the universe…

Castiel can use his wings to fly high above the fray, to see the whole shape of creation and the immensity of the destiny that has been laid on the shoulders of the world by the One who created it. He can see until forever, as though the universe were an endless scaffolding of a building not yet completed and he were dancing along one of its beams.

… Why does he have wings to fly with, to see the whole of Creation and the Plan, if he cannot do anything to alter it?

Now he’s changed it, and now he’s seeing beyond that building. What does it stand on, if it itself is the universe? And, if nothing, why does it matter whether it stands or not?

And of course, the answer to such despair is to find the things that move you enough to become your meaning for existence. Cue self-pimp #2:

“What’s the point?”

“I don’t know.” You lie. You know very well. Life is the point. Dean himself is the point.

He’s forgotten that. I’m waiting for the catalyst for him to remember. But I don’t believe for a moment that he’s just crazy.

getting the chocolate in the peanut butterdotfic on May 16th, 2012 03:24 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I don't think insanity is what's happening there either. Extreme PTSD and a dissociation because he's not sure how to handle his feelings, and something that has to do with angels and how they process things. The way Misha Collins is playing it, I get the sense Castiel is perfectly aware underneath but chooses this distanced pacifist demeanor and represses his own guilt, hurt, anger, rage, self-loathing. In that clip the armor cracks a moment and he lets Sam and Dean see it and now...I have to sit down and deal with these Cas feelings.

Neat meta! <3
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 03:27 pm (UTC)
ILU. I LOOOOVE the trope of angels-processing-things-differently. I just hope the episode (and possibly the season to come) will have writers who give it that kind of thought instead of just playing it for laffs. They do such a good job of hitting the tragic aspect of comedy, it's one of my favorite things about the series. I really hope they keep it up <3
omegaloveromegalover on May 16th, 2012 03:28 pm (UTC)
That made no sense and yet I totally got that. Totally awesome.
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 03:28 pm (UTC)
*snort* Um, sorry and thank you, simultaneously XD
omegaloveromegalover on May 16th, 2012 03:42 pm (UTC)
Did you really just snort at me? Well *snort* back at you Ma'am. ^_^
Tiptoe39: LOL - Marstiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 03:43 pm (UTC)
It was a laugh-snort, not a harrumph-snort!
omegaloveromegalover on May 16th, 2012 04:47 pm (UTC)
Of course you would have the perfect Sailor Moon Graphic to use for that lol I LOVE sailor Moon!! Well, *Snort* Meow meow meow, mew meow, mrowr mew meow.
Tiptoe39: animalstiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 04:49 pm (UTC)
My icon has a response to those meows, too XD
omegaloveromegalover on May 16th, 2012 04:53 pm (UTC)
o.0 Too awesome-ling amazing, but am I an animal who talks or am I a human who meows?
Tiptoe39: idk mishatiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 05:02 pm (UTC)
See icon. As always :D
monteseverusmonteseverus on May 16th, 2012 03:28 pm (UTC)
EXACTLY!!! When my first husband committed suicide, I thought there was no meaning to life either. It takes A LONG TIME to pull yourself back together after a trauma. Angel or Man. Castiel is just now seeing himself as an integral part of the universe, not just a means to an end. Here is to hoping they treat him better in Season Eight.
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 03:30 pm (UTC)
oh my god hon *hugs forever* Yes, I think there's a part of Castiel that's rebelling against being used as a tool (side-eying Sera). "I'm not going to help you fight." = "you treat me like a whole person or you don't get me at all, your choice." And I'm hoping Dean and Sam choose the former.
monteseverusmonteseverus on May 16th, 2012 03:43 pm (UTC)
I am so not looking forward to Friday's show. I will probably be on Twitter drunk ranting if they destroy Cas. BTW, why am I hearing that they have already guaranteed Misha returning in Season Eight? Did Jim Michaels really say that?
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on May 16th, 2012 03:47 pm (UTC)
I didn't hear it firsthand but there's certainly enough squee in the atmosphere that it's a reasonable conclusion to reach. :)
monteseverusmonteseverus on May 19th, 2012 05:17 pm (UTC)
Misha will DEFINITELY BE BACK!!!! *hand flailing all over the place*
DR Lisa!!: Castieldazedrose on May 16th, 2012 08:18 pm (UTC)
It's 6am in the morning so this might no make sense.

It seems to me that basically cas is removing himself as 'The Hammer' in the equation. He tried to make Dean aware that he saw himself different from the other angels way back when, only to see himself still being used as one till the end. He was lost in the midst for so long, both all there during season 5 & 6, then lot to the poer of the souls, and then amnesia. Taking on Sam's pain brought him back to his self, bring perspective back into his life. He can see more then just the current, he can see the plan, or lack there of depending on how he looks at it.

I think that Cas is only seeming to look crazy because it might be the only way he can make Dean & Sam look at him as something more then just a hammer. Dean knows crazy. He saw it in Sam for how long now. It's something that Dean can processes and mentally fit. He is pissed as hell over it, but Cas knows it fits within Dean's mind. And it's the same with Sam. He is now this side of crazy, beeping rescued from it by cas. I think Sam gets Cas's 'coping' mechanisms a lot more then what Dean is. That's why Sam has been saying the things Cas has been needing to hear (we are grateful fr what you did, you are still one of us). But I do think Sam is still is having trouble processing the change in cas too. He said they will 'fix' Cas, make him normal again. Cas is pretty normal, he is just currently free.

I really hope we get some more dialogue this ep between at least Cas and Sam. It's a little wishful thinking that Dean would try seeing cas differently. Dean is holding on tight to people's past roles, and I think something needs to break in him for him to start rebuilding not only himself, but his interaction within the world and his loved ones. I think season 8 will be a lot of this, though I do hope that losing cas again, or even Sam is NOT on the cards.