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15 November 2007 @ 04:03 pm
[fanfic] 30 First Kisses, Kiss #12 (rated PG)  
Title: Thirty First Kisses - Kiss #12
Author: tiptoe39
Rating: PG to be safe, I think it's G
Summary: Mohinder first-person to balance out #11's Matt first-person.

This is the 12th of 30 possible ways Matt and Mohinder could share their first kiss, written for 30_kisses. The prompt/theme was "in a good mood" (gokigen). Previous kisses are here.

These are the things I've noticed about Matt Parkman.

When Matt Parkman's in a good mood he whistles. If you can call it whistling. It's barely a tone, and when it is a tone, it's the wrong tone. I think that was supposed to be Somewhere Over the Rainbow the other day, but it sounded more like Happy Birthday. (As for me, I hum.)

When Matt's in a foul mood, he broods. Full-on James Dean antihero brooding, with a dark face and hunched shoulders and stony even-if-I-talked-about-it-you'd-never-understand silence. Which is slightly ridiculous, because he always does talk about it, eventually. Usually once a beer is down and we are sacked out on the couch (me) and the easy chair (him) exhausted from our days. And usually that's how he gets over it.

When he's feeling silly, he fixes Molly a Clown Sandwich, an open-face bologna sandwich with dots of ketchup in a smiley face on the bologna and the lettuce sticking up on the other piece of bread like a dunce cap. More than once she's rolled her eyes, saying she's too old for such things, but he sticks his tongue out at her and says, "Well, I like doing it, so what do you care?" I think he likes the sticking his tongue out part infinitely more than making the sandwich.

When he's managed to get what he calls "a great collar," he sweeps through the room like a pageant winner in a ticker-tape parade. Molly's four feet in the air all of a sudden and I often have to dive for whatever toy (or, worse, plate full of food) she's carrying to save it. I know immediately that bedtime will not be easy coming, because there will be ice cream following dinner. But halfway through the night, the seriousness of what he's faced will suddenly hit him, and he will feel the need to become the most affectionate father in existence. Molly often has to calm him down. I'm not even in the picture.

Sometimes I envy their closeness. As much as I try, I'll never be a father to Molly. I can be her friend, I can be her doctor, but I don't have that intangible connection that he manages so effortlessly. As much as I love her and want to protect her, I am simply the landlord here.

Now I'm the one in a foul mood.

And when you're in a foul mood, you scowl and look like a pissed-off bullfrog.

Oh, for the love of...

He's been doing that every so often lately. I suppose he's just like any other kid with a new toy; for the first few weeks you want to use it constantly. Still, I wish he hadn't peeked in just now. This is not the most attractive part of my psyche, I'm sure.

For what it's worth, Molly definitely thinks of you as a father.

I stand up. "Stop it! Do you mind?"

You're thinking so loud I can't sleep. Go to sleep already.

If only I could.

Do you need to talk about something?

No. Yes. I don't know. But I don't want to do it telepathically.

I'll be right there.

The creak of bedsprings across the hall, the floorboards squeaking, and then my door opening and his figure in it. His hair is every which way and he is scruffy with end-of-the-day sleepiness. The very picture of a working dad. As for me, I've got my desk light and my reading glasses on, and I'm sitting on my bed surrounded by a stack of scientific journals, very busy not reading any of them. I probably look like an oversized college student.

"You look like a professor to me. Funny 'bout that," he says, pulling up my desk chair and sitting down heavily. "So what's eating you?"

"You've been in my mind for the past hour, you tell me," I grumble.

"Ribbit," he said.


"You look like a bullfrog again."

"Did you come in here just to make fun of me?"

"No." He clears his throat. "Sorry."

I sigh.

"You know something, Mohinder?" he says, leaning forward. "You really wear your moods on your sleeve."

"I do?" This makes me choke a bit in surprise, and I cough, pound my chest with a fist, and straighten up.

"Yeah." He leans back in the chair, puts his hands behind his head casually. "Like right now. You want to look angry, but you're really just pouting. You don't like being made fun of."

I push my glasses back on my nose. "Oh, really?" I wonder if he is aware he's mocking me on a deeper level. After all, I had just spent 10 precious minutes of my life pondering his various moods.

"And you act all snooty when you're embarrassed." His grin is wide and easy, and I think he probably isn't aware of anything after all. He's not a simpleminded man, but he doesn't worry about those deeper layers of things when he doesn't have to.

"You're wrong there," he says. "I'm up sometimes at night trying to work through things. Figure out what's going on behind what's going on. It can be draining. But the fact is, you're not too hard to figure out."

Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps he is simpleminded after all.

He laughs. "Sorry, man, but it's not me, it's you. For a brilliant scientist, you're pretty ordinary."

I heave a long sigh. "Right. Is there something you are trying to say to me?"

"Not in particular," he grins. "But now you've got me thinking. Do you know how defensive you get sometimes?"

"I do not get defensive."

"I rest my case."

I want to throw his "case" out a window. "What is your point?"

"No point. Just that you're easy to read."

"'So lay off of you? I'm sorry, Matt, but I have a perfect right to think what I think. It's not my fault that you can't control your ability well enough to tune me out."

"Whoa! Whoa!" He leans back, tipping the chair onto its hind legs. "Sorry, sorry. I take it back. What I meant to say was, you're fun to read."

I sputter again. "And that's so much better?"

"Well, yeah. Like, when you're frustrated at work and you come home late and your brain is wrapped around some puzzle? I don't need to read your mind, because you walk around muttering."

"I do not!"

"You're being defensive again. I have heard you-- and Molly has too-- tell the dishwasher it can go hang itself. And one time--" he's tripping over his words, he's laughing so hard-- "your coat wouldn't stay on the hanger and you shook your finger at it and said, 'I'm well aware of the conspiracy!'" His imitation of my tone is frighteningly dead-on.

Despite myself, I have to smile. "In my defense, my coat and that hanger have been conspiring for months against me. I have wiretaps in place."

He raised his eyebrows. "See, that's what I'm talking about," he says. "Fun."

I freeze over again. "Right. Look, didn't you come in here to listen to my troubles? Or is this part of the free psychoanalysis?"

"Sure, Doc," he says. "Lemme have it. You're worried Molly doesn't think of you as a father, right?"

"And you said I was wrong." All of a sudden I feel like a frightened boy. I want to hole up in the corner of my bed and build a fortress of magazines around me. That's just what I need: a smartass cop playing on my insecurities late at night.

"Well, you are wrong." His voice is soft all of a sudden, and he turns pink, even in the yellow light of the desk lamp. "It's cute, actually. I forget what it was, but something recently made her think, and I quote, 'Best. Dads. Ever.'"

I lean forward. My heart has started vibrating. "Really?"

"Mm-hm." He nods. "And for what it's worth, Mohinder... I think of you as her dad too."

This makes me blush. Probably because he's leaning forward and gazing at me so intensely, and his eyes are so serious and focused. I'm uncomfortable with scrutiny of any sort, even the positive sort. This is the personality type of a scientist. You study others; others don't study you.

His gaze is absolutely withering. I have to get the conversation started again. "Um. So." I fiddle with my glasses, take them off, put them back on again. "I suppose, then, that you can feel free to go back to bed. That was all very comforting to hear, thank you very much for listening, good night."

"You're doing it again." He's still staring, but his mouth has curved upwards into a sly smile. If I were a stool pigeon under a white-hot spotlight, I could not feel more put upon. "Why are you nervous?"

Because he's giving me a look that means a very specific thing when someone of the opposite sex does it. Especially in one's bedroom late at night. I hope he didn't hear that. "I'm not nervous. I'm just tired. Good night."

"You are nervous," he says, and inexplicably, he gets up from the chair and sits on the other end of the bed. "What's up, man? You're thinking so fast I can't even understand you."

That's a good thing. "I suppose I just am wondering how else I wear my, what was it? Moods on my sleeve."

"Oh, well, that's easy." His eyes lose their focus, thank goodness, but now they are looking right through me, almost dreamy. "When you're preoccupied, you bump into things. And not just when you're really preoccupied - you could be looking at a magazine that came in the mail, and you'll still collide with every chair in the kitchen on your way to the couch. I kinda hope you don't bruise too easily."

I sort of do, actually. I learned a long time ago not to wonder where my bruises came from; someone could breathe on me and I would bruise. I must look like a victim of domestic abuse sometimes. "Tell me I do something that's not completely embarrassing," I plead.

"Well, there's when you're in a good mood."

"Right. What am I like then?"

"You hum, for one. You've got kind of a nice humming voice. Me, I don't dare hum, so I just whistle." This line of thought seems familiar. "And you look at everything like you're seeing it for the first time. Does the world turn colors for you when you're happy or something?"

"No." But sometimes I'm sure the colors are brighter.

"And you do a lot of smiling."

I realize I'm smiling right now. I purse my lips. "Sorry."

"No, it's cool. It lights up the whole room, actually." This from the man whose grin is illuminating everything right now. "When you're in a good mood, it's hard for me not to be. I get--" and he looks down at his hands suddenly "--I get kind of excited about it. Like my heart does--"

He stops. Tongue-tied for the first time tonight, I see.

"Thanks," I say. "That is nice to hear."


It's just barely a whisper. "What?"

He looks up at me. His cheeks are flaming red. "When you're in a good mood. It's... irresistible."

Not it. You.

"Matt, I can hear you."

It makes me want to reach over and--

There's panic on his face. "I know. I'm not trying-- it's just happening--"

--I want to hold you--

Now I'm panicking too. "I'm sorry," I stammer. "If-- If I could block it out..." I put my hands on my ears, but that hardly helps.

--I want to touch you--

And we're both staring at each other; the speakers are on overflow, pouring his thoughts into my head. They won't stop. It won't stop...

It makes me want to kiss you and that scares the hell out of me but it's so contagious when you smile and I just feel good when I'm around you and I want you so, so badly sometimes, that I forget where I am, I forget who I am...

And he's on his knees now on the bed, crawling over to me. He looks possessed. I can hear him hearing his pulse beating in his throat. The sound is so loud.

When you are in a good mood, I realize I'm falling in love with you and I don't know how to handle it...

And I can smell him now because he's pinned me against the wall and those eyes are boring through me like drills, and I can't move, I can barely breathe...

Oh God PLEASE say I can kiss you...

Before I know what I'm doing, my hands are on his collar and I've yanked him downward and he is kissing me. And I'm kissing him. And it is phenomenal. His lips are soft and warm like a fireplace on a cold night, and his hands feel so big on my shoulder, and I think I might just melt. And there is this sensation of being complete. It's as if I have finally found the final piece to a puzzle I've been working on all my life. And it makes me want to sing.

So I hum instead. Right into the kiss, I hum. And he breaks into giggles against my mouth. You must be in a good mood, he thinks into my head.

Funny, that. I wrap my arms around his shoulders. This feels good, more than good, it feels right. I feel like I've come home. I feel like I've been waiting for this. And pictures of him whistling and laughing and playing are filling my head, and I know now that everything he was thinking, I was thinking too, and we were like satellites reflecting and amplifying the same thoughts off each other. No wonder the feedback was overwhelming.

He was thinking I was irresistible when I was in a good mood, and I was thinking the same about him.

He wanted to hold me, touch me, and I wanted him to.

He is falling in love with me, and heaven help me, I'm madly in love with him...

And right now, he's looking at me, and he's pondering the exact phenomenon I am. Our minds are mirrors that face each other, and I can see reflections of myself into infinity.

He sleeps in my bed that night. And in the morning, I catch him whistling and he catches me humming, and we both smile.


The Soul is:: lovedromantic
nwfairy: dirty mattnwfairy on November 15th, 2007 10:10 pm (UTC)
I do have to say that, my friend was so cute <3

And I love your icon ^^
Tiptoe39: mattmo canontiptoe39 on November 15th, 2007 10:46 pm (UTC)
Isn't it brilliant? I had to have it.
ilsaluvsrickilsaluvsrick on November 15th, 2007 10:25 pm (UTC)
Loved that Matt made it all better!

And your icon so made of win.
Tiptoe39: matthindertiptoe39 on November 15th, 2007 10:46 pm (UTC)
He does make it all better, doesn't he?

Like I said. HAD to have the icon. Love at first sight.
Square: matt and mohinder plus the symbolsquareorange on November 15th, 2007 10:32 pm (UTC)
Awww. You are quite amazing at writing these two.
I love that Mohinder bumps into things when he's preoccupied. XD
Tiptoe39: tamakitiptoe39 on November 15th, 2007 10:47 pm (UTC)
Hee hee, thanks... :bonk: Oh. eheh. Sorry about that...

saavikam77: Molly's Heroessaavikam77 on November 15th, 2007 11:22 pm (UTC)
Mmmmm... This was so gorgeous! ^_^ I love the idea of feedback looping their thoughts and feelings until it's all so overwhelming that they just break can't hold back anymore. ^_~ Beautiful!
Tiptoe39: matthindertiptoe39 on November 15th, 2007 11:44 pm (UTC)
yay. thank you. i love them so!!
JLBbaehj2915 on November 15th, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
That was adorable in ways I can't quantify. I loved the mood identifier thing they were doing. Very sweet, very thoughtful.

Oh god...

I'm suddenly very nervous of the first kiss issue of the series, I'll be writing soon. This was just too good, tiptoe!


Also, clownface! oooh, clownface!

~love from WI
Tiptoe39: matthindertiptoe39 on November 15th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC)
yours will be awesome, I have no doubt! i have your fics in my mems....
crystal_mkcrystal_mk on November 15th, 2007 11:41 pm (UTC)
Hmm, what to say to adequately describe my reaction to this fic.
Yeah, I got nothing. That was so sweet and adorable and I wanna see it on the show!
I love how Mohinder and Matt know each other so well and how Matt can't stop his thougts from going to Mohinder.

BTW your icon, awesome!
Tiptoe39: mattmo canontiptoe39 on November 15th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
Some of us have thoughts that we can't keep inside... poor Matt doesn't even have to speak and his sneak out... poor baby.

how awesome is that icon, btw? i saw it iand HAD to have it.
triedunture on November 15th, 2007 11:58 pm (UTC)
This might be my favorite one yet. Oh, when Matt was projecting without meaning to, and Mohinder puts his hands over his ears...so sweet, so heart breaking for a moment!
Tiptoe39: matthindertiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 12:19 am (UTC)
awww :-)
DINOSAURlovemyfaceoff on November 16th, 2007 12:24 am (UTC)
omg that was the cutest thing ever.
Tiptoe39: chaotiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:40 am (UTC)
I aim for the cute, and since I'm shootin' blind, it's nice to know I get the shot occasionally :runs around in blindfold from yesterday's smutfic: waaaai!


anyway what I mean to say is THANK YOU
(Deleted comment)
Tiptoe39: lina gourrytiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:41 am (UTC)
YAY!!! Makeout icon!!! Yes, I had this wonderful image of Mohinder scolding the coat hanger :D
(Deleted comment)
Tiptoe39: lovetiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:42 am (UTC)
Yay!! Yes it all sort of came stream of consciousness and I'm like WHOA what would happen if he couldn't STOP transmitting... MAHAHAH
EmmyHildyemmyhildy on November 16th, 2007 12:47 am (UTC)
*HUGE GRIN* that was awesome! I love when they're all cute over each other!! :D
Tiptoe39: matthindertiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:43 am (UTC)
ain't they somethin? thanks for reading!
baby_werewolf: kissy kissybaby_werewolf on November 16th, 2007 12:50 am (UTC)
So cute I had to stop in the middle to squee <3

Love the icon ^^
Tiptoe39: mattmo canontiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:42 am (UTC)
isn't it cuuuute? best freakin icon ever
carma_babycarma_baby on November 16th, 2007 01:24 am (UTC)
This is the second time tonight I have actually laughed out loud during a fic, which I rarely, rarely do. Thank you. I love these stories so much, and you just keep getting better. Seriously! "I'm well aware of the conspiracy." {giggles to self} One of my favorite lines. Ever.

Keep writing, and thank you again!
Tiptoe39: fumotiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:42 am (UTC)
I must now go in search of fic #1 :D
angeldylan628angeldylan628 on November 16th, 2007 01:46 am (UTC)
There were many reasons why I had to review this chapter...

1) I admit...I've been stalking this little series. And I don't think I've yet to review it. I'm terrible at reviewing and especially terrible at reviewing on LJ so yes I figured it was about time to give you well deserved praise.

2) This fic was the first slash fic I ever read and it was the perfect beginners fic. Not too heavy. Slow transition into what would can only be described as the most addictive ship ever. So thank you for that!

3) This kiss was my favorite because Matt was so funny. And I think this was the most in character they've been thus far.

4) You used the icon I made and that made me all giggly (yes I know I made it but I can giggle at my own stuff...).

Anyways! You're stuff is pure gold! You write Matt/Mohinder how I'd want to see them play out on the show. It's just entirely natural and I love that. So please keep writing! Your updates really do make my day!
Tiptoe39: shuichitiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 01:52 am (UTC)
YOU! You made the ICON OF GOD!!!!!!

I will write you ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!!

:falls down and worships:
The Soul says: - angeldylan628 on November 16th, 2007 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Soul says: - tiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 03:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Soul says: - angeldylan628 on November 16th, 2007 06:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Soul says: - tiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Mel: heroes - chancenewkidfan on November 16th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
I think I love you. This was perfect and so intense!

And I love your icon. :)
Tiptoe39: magictiptoe39 on November 16th, 2007 03:06 am (UTC)
thank you! i really wanted to capture some of the intensity of wanting someone and wanting them BAD and then having it all spill out and it's so hard to do that... so for you to say it was intense was a high compliment.

And thank the commenter above you for the icon, isn't it great?