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08 May 2008 @ 10:00 pm
[fanfic] Akogare (Hiro/Ando, PG) (REVISED)  
Title: Akogare
(The object of my admiration)
Author: tiptoe39
Rating: PG
Summary: My first Hiro/Ando ficlet. I originally wrote this fic's dialogue all in Japanese, then translated what I needed to, so it still has a slightly "foreign" flavor. EDIT: I have translated most of the dialogue now to make it accessible.
Author's note: Akogareru is the Japanese verb for to admire/to idolize/to put up on a pedestal. Akogare is the person one feels that way about. (And yes, Japanese people do say "E?" a whole heckuva lot. :D)

Hiro returned from Texas to face a livid Ando. "Hiro! You bastard..."

"E?" Hiro wasn't expecting to hear such a rude word come out of Ando's mouth. "What's with 'you bastard'?"

He had come to visit Ando at his bachelor pad in Nakano, a few minutes by train from downtown Tokyo. The place was a dump, but it was Hiro's home away from home before all this had happened, and it was minutes from the geekiest shopping center in the entire prefecture. In other words, perfect. Even though it had been months since he'd been there-- at least to Hiro's weary sense of time-- it was still crammed full of his stuff. Flimsy packages with dramatically posing figurines grinning out through the plastic picture windows. Fan comics printed on thin paper. A robot toy in seven pieces, packed inside a plastic bubble, straight from the vending machine. All signs that once he'd belonged here. He wasn't sure that was true anymore.

Ando rubbed his forehead. He paced back and forth in the small room. He looked out the window, looked at the floor, looked at Hiro. And his face turned beet red. "Listen," he said. "Do you have any idea how much you worried me, leaving me alone and going here and there in time and space getting involved in this and that?"

"E?" Hiro stared at him blankly a minute, then began apologizing, laughing the whole time. "Sorry, sorry, Ando-kun. But look, here I am, safe and sound!" His laugh had a wobble in it.

Ando turned away. "I wonder," he mumbled.

"Ando?" Hiro wandered up behind him, put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

How he could ask what was wrong was beyond him. "You know," he said, frowning. "Last year, you never would have left me behind anywhere you went."

Hiro didn't know what to say to that. Ando took the hand on his shoulder and returned it to Hiro's side, sighing as he did. "What changed, Hiro?" he asked with a trace of sadness. "How did you become such a... dark person?"

Hiro stared at him blankly. "Dark?" he repeated. Then he scowled. "I've become a serious person. A grown-up person. I would think you'd be glad for that, Ando-kun."

"Why the hell would I be glad you've turned into the kind of guy who'd put me in this mess!?" Ando burst out, and Hiro actually stumbled back a few paces. He began to say Ando's name, but it was like the dam had burst, like the final straw. Ando was now raging, panting, his face red. "It's his fault, isn't it?" he demanded. "The guy who killed your father. Your Takezo Kensei."

Hiro wavered. "Kensei is... special," he said weakly.

"Yeah, I'll bet. I'll bet he's plenty special. So special that normal, ordinary Ando-kun can't compete."

"Compete?" Hiro echoed hollowly. "You can't even compare the two of you!"

"What is he to you?" Ando demanded.

"E? What's with that!?"

"A friend? An enemy?" The voice wavered. "Or something else altogether?"

Hiro sighed. It was hard to quantify, and the look Ando was giving him, the sad eyes and the tight-lipped mouth, wasn't helping him concentrate. "It's... complicated," he said finally. "Princess Yaeko was..."

"Don't give me 'Princess Yaeko.'" Ando threw up his hands in frustration. "I read those papers you left me. You almost never talked about her. You barely knew her, did you? The one you talked about constantly, the one you were always with, wasn't the princess."

Hiro's mind was racing. He wanted to say he had no idea what Ando was talking about. But the truth was that he did have an idea. The possibility that kept lurking around the edges of his mind was one he'd pushed so far back that he'd taught himself not to ever think it. And for years, years, it had never come up. Why, after all this time, did it sound suspiciously like Ando was going in that direction?

And then Ando came out and said it. "Hiro. Were... were you in love with him?"

"Ando... what the?" It was all he could say. His jaw was on the floor right next to his eyeballs, which had surely popped out only seconds before. Ando knew? How... how much did he know, anyway?

"Don't give me 'what the,' either. I know you, Hiro." Yes, that had become painfully clear. Hiro felt a little like a fish on a stick, the kind they used to eat on festival afternoons. Everything from his tail to his brains was fried up, crispy, and ready to be devoured. He'd thought he'd been immune to this, he thought he'd protected his secrets, but apparently he was a long way from becoming his father. "Are you still in love with him?" Ando demanded.

He wanted nothing more than to freeze time and flee. But it still took him a moment to get those gears in motion, and Ando was quick enough to punch him in the face if he thought Hiro was about to flee-- and not only was Hiro sure Ando would pull it off, this was his last unbroken pair of glasses. Feudal Japan was tough on eyewear. "I'm telling you, it's complicated," he said lamely.

Ando heaved a long sigh, and his eyes left Hiro's face. There was something there, some sort of sadness or heaviness, that made Hiro's heart hurt. And now that the subject was out of the dungeon of taboo, his arms were aching too, watching the man on the other side of the room, long, lanky, his mind so clever, his voice usually so full of light and humor. And here he was, still so appealing but subdued, almost shy, whispering something under his breath.

"Won't I do?"

He had to have heard that wrong. "... E?"

Ando looked at him. The eyes, so plaintive...

"Ando... did you just say..." He couldn't repeat the words, but they were echoing in his brain. Won't I do? Won't I do? Won't I do?

The long, lean legs began moving toward him. Hiro's eyes followed each footfall, measuring the pace. How long before Ando was standing in front of him? And with each step, the rhythm of the man's voice, intoning like a taiko drum into his heart, low and resonant.

"Why do I, who was with you from the moment you discovered your power until you went to kill Sylar... I, who threw away my job and went with you to America... why do I lose to him?" And there he was, face to face, eye to eye. The few inches of height that separated them seeming to melt away. "Look at me, Hiro!" He was looking. How could he not? "I'm the one who's always been watching you, who's always admired you. So just once, look at me!"

Zutto omae wo mitete akogareta ore wo, ichido dake chanto miro!

Akogare. There was that word. Hiro shook his head and backed away from Ando's gaze. "Akogare... yeah," he said, and this time it was his voice that was heavy with sadness.

He turned to face the window, looked out at the express rocketing westward toward the suburb of Mitaka. It rumbled mercilessly, rattling the tiled roofs around it. "That's right," he said, "Kensei was my akogare. You know that better than anyone, Ando."

Behind him, Ando swallowed hard. Hiro went on.

"But to admire someone like that is dangerous, my friend. If you idolize me, I'll eventually disappoint you. I might let you down in the worst way."

"Like that matters to me!" Ando shouted, his hand on Hiro's shoulder. "I love you!"

"That's just it!" Hiro whirled, and this time they were a breath apart, unflinching, unblinking. The intimacy and pain of companions speaking truth. "You're the only one I never want to disappoint, Ando-kun. That's why I left you behind."

"Don't you believe in me at all? Can't you trust me?" Ando's hands clasped his in supplication.

"It's myself I can't trust," Hiro confessed. The touch of Ando's hands was a hot and jarring sensation, like the buzz of alcohol down the spine. It loosened his tongue and sent his mind into freefall. "I can't trust myself not to tell you how I feel. Not to tell you that my feelings for you go so much further than friendship. I keep hearing in my head how you'd laugh, and say, 'Oh, Hiro, I always knew you were a total fruit...'"

Ando burst with a brace of laughter that began with spitting all over Hiro's face and ended in him doubling over, clutching his stomach. "Ah.. aha..." Hiro wiped off his face and stared, horrified. "Sorry, sorry," Ando apologized, gazing up at Hiro and then going into a fresh round of chuckles. "That's... that's such a Hiro thing to say."

"I suppose it is." Hiro grinned ruefully, blushing.

"Better geeks than fruits," said Ando with a wink.

"That's the way we roll," agreed Hiro.

They smiled at each other for a moment.

"Hiro." Ando's voice broke a little bit. "So we're both fruits. What does it matter. You and I... we feel the same way."

His eyes were mesmerizing. Hiro heard himself agree, heard the room buzzing around him as the world contracted into a pair of dark eyes and gentle fingertips again on his own. The floor ceased to exist under his feet... "Wait a minute," he said, breaking out of the moment. "I thought you loved women... you were practically a molester!"

"Oh, that's cruel." Ando lifted his chin in defiance.

"I'm serious, Ando-kun!" Hiro put his hands on his hips and pouted. "You even hit on my sister!"

"Acting," Ando mumbled.


"It was acting," he repeated, sounding a little proud of himself for pulling off the ruse. "First it was lying to myself, of course. But then it was just acting."

"My sister will be grossed out," Hiro warned.

Ando gave a guilty smile. "She knew. Probably."

"E?" Then again, Kimiko was always the smart one. She probably did.

"But Hiro." Hands pulling his off his hips. Hiro's heart went into overdrive. He felt like a hummingbird. He might very well be hovering in the room rather than standing. "This is... ryouomoi."

The bluntness of the sentiment -- ryou, mutual, and omoi, feelings, put together into a single word -- made Hiro so nervous, so giddy, he was afraid the curtain was going to be swept aside any moment. He was surely being taped for a hysterically laughing television audience. "Uh, yeah," he stammered. "Ryouomoi. Right." He laughed as though it were a particularly funny joke.

"Can I ..." Ando's thumb had started rubbing against the back of Hiro's hand, and the simple intimacy of the gesture knocked the laugh right out of him. He blushed beet red, and his glasses felt itchy on his cheeks. Ando gulped before finishing the request. "...k-kiss you?"

"K... kiss?" He hadn't meant to echo the stutter. It just came out.

Dead serious eyes. "Yeah."

Hiro's blood was rushing madly between his face and other, less mentionable parts. He felt warm and cold in the funniest places. "Hey," he blurted out. "If my sister knew, that means I'm the only person who didn't--"

Ando put a finger to Hiro's lips. "Hiro."


"Shut up."

The hand at his lips flipped upward to pull Hiro's glasses off, and Ando's other hand found his waist. Hiro's face followed the wayward glasses, as though attempting to pull them back, but in that small, vain upward motion, Ando leaned in and kissed him. Hiro's mind went white.

Had he stopped time? Had time stopped him? He didn't know, didn't know anything, just knew that his best friend was kissing his mouth and there was a wealth of warmth and emotion there that he'd never even contemplated could exist in this world.

When the kiss ended, and he blinked his eyes, he was still in the same apartment, with all the old familiar toys lying around, but now it no longer felt alien. And Ando was looking at him with the creases at the outer edges of his eyes that Hiro knew meant genuine affection. For a moment, he was sure he was dreaming. "No way," he breathed.

"Yes, way," Ando grinned.

Hiro went into hyperdrive. "Ando-kun. I'm moving, right? You can see me moving right?" He jumped around wildly to demonstrate.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ando cocked his head and raised one pointed eyebrow.

"Because... because that means time is still going, right? I didn't just stop time and kiss you while you were frozen, right?"

Ando crossed his arms. "Have you done that before?"

Hiro froze.

"Have you done that before?" he repeated.

"I told you that idolizing someone meant you'd eventually be disappointed!"

"You bastard..."

Tags: ,
Mariapsycocatgirl on May 9th, 2008 08:46 am (UTC)
That was really cute. The kiss scene was almost too girly, but I loved it anyway. XD

The fact that I didn't understand as much of the Japanese as I would have liked was a little distracting, though. Keep in mind that a lot of Heroes fans don't actually speak Japanese (like myself, for example, though I can pick out a word here and there). There were a few things I didn't understand at all, though I suppose I got the overall gist of the story. Which was, by the way, absolutely adorable. <3

Write some more! And next time, at least provide more cliff notes, ne? ;)
Tiptoe39: nihonjintiptoe39 on May 9th, 2008 10:06 am (UTC)
Thanks. I write shameless WAFF, that's what I do. mahahaha.

yeah. I know. Part of the excitement for me in writing Hiro/Ando was the chance to write a bilingual fic. I barely ever get to do that anymore. So this was written I think for my own benefit more than for outsiders' benefit. The good news is, most of the things I left in Japanese are empty syllables with almost no meaning at all. %_%;
boudecia7boudecia7 on May 10th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
Eek, SO AWESOME. It's funny and sweet in all the right places, and I actually really love that you included some Japanese without translation--it leaves room for the context clues to kick in and adds authenticity to the pairing. Love the dialogue between them--Ando being confrontational and pissed off, Hiro being confused and just...Hiro. You always have a nice feel for the characters you write though, and I'm so glad you went through with this plot bunny; it's made of win, honey! <3
Tiptoe39: nihonjintiptoe39 on May 10th, 2008 10:19 am (UTC)
Ehehe. I actually had a lot more japanese in the original but the first comment sort of chastened me.............. well, i suppose it's more accessible, although I really loved some of the dialog. I have half a mind to translate the whole thing into Japanese, just for my personal gratification. :D

thanks for always being so supportive :)
boudecia7boudecia7 on May 10th, 2008 12:06 pm (UTC)
Oh--ha, that explains it, because there's only the one line there now and I was like, wow, this person has a really low tolerance for Japanese! But even still, I would've done the same thing if I were you, because I do think it gives more flavor of the show where Hiro and Ando were speaking Japanese through most of the first season. Sure, a translation in italics afterward is good in spots, but if it were something that could be inferred from the characters actions or reactions afterward, I probably wouldn't have even done that. Sometimes, as a reader, I like being thrown a little curve if it pays off a little further on, but not everyone has the patience.

One of the hardest things about writing Hiro slash is that he's such a comic character (especially in Season 1), but I think you did a great job hitting that note here while still bringing out the slash-y undertones. w00t!
thebackwardnilethebackwardnile on June 17th, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
Loved, loved love the ending. Read the last sentences over and over again giggeling over and over again. Glad I'm home alone otherwise my family would think I had lost it.
The rest was awsome to but the ending it was so funny! And just so [i]them [/i] awsomley done :-)
Oh but I have to stop writing stuff now I really should tgo to sleep before I completly lose it sleep lack makes me strange...
Aurilly: hot kenseiaurilly on October 11th, 2008 03:34 am (UTC)
"I thought you loved women... you were practically a molester!"
LOL. I love Hiro and Ando.

This was really fun. I really like the idea of getting to Hiro/Ando through a conversation about Hiro/Kensei. I've never wanted to think about either of these pairings romantically before, but you actually sold them. In this fic, I'm totally rooting for it. And your ability to really think about this in Japanese made it possible to write some of the best Hiro and Ando characterization I've read.

And then the twist at the end with the time-stopping reveal was GREAT!
the only living boy in new yorkaratama on October 11th, 2008 11:57 am (UTC)
Aww. That was really sweet. I loved how you described Ando as he finally gathers his courage to confess, so different from his usual animated self:

watching the man on the other side of the room, long, lanky, his mind so clever, his voice usually so full of light and humor. And here he was, still so appealing but subdued, almost shy, whispering something under his breath.

"Won't I do?"

Awww, poor Ando! I want to hug him and tell him everything will be okay. So cute. The ending was a surprise and worked really well too, restoring the lighthearted atmosphere of this pair after the long angst. It was really fitting and made me smile.

I don't agree with making people like Ando gay just for the sake of slash (bisexuality exists), but I guess that's a personal preference. I think the fic could have done with some editing, though. In particular, after you describe Ando's apartment (really well, might I add: I love the description of how tiny it is, with all of Hiro's stuff in it), and how he's pacing and angry, you just stop describing anything and leave us reading about two talking heads. What are they doing? Are their hands moving, what do their expressions look like, where are they looking, are they pausing then starting again -- or are they just really standing upright and unmoving in the middle of the room?

That's probably what worried me the most, but there were also some sudden switches in POV:

How he could ask what was wrong was beyond him. "You know," he said, frowning. "Last year, you never would have left me behind anywhere you went."

I had to do a double-take before I knew this "he" was Ando, not Hiro. It's one of those small things you don't realize when you read your own fic, because you, as the writer, knows who's thinking what.

Nitpick: Hiro hasn't called Ando "Ando-kun" since early- to mid-season one (which I think is a conscious choice by Masi Oka), and Hiro doesn't call Yaeko "princess Yaeko" or even "Yaeko-hime".
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on October 11th, 2008 02:04 pm (UTC)
oh, really? geez, i must have been rewatching s1 when i wrote this, i don't remember. thanks for your critiques; they are all valid. this fic is definitely not my best but i just saw the conversation in my head and wanted to share it. i was even dubious about including it on the list of the 5-comments meme. but i'm very grateful to have gotten your comments :-)