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07 October 2008 @ 02:47 pm
The Bunnies They Eat My Braayn  
Posted b/c, what the hell else am I gonna do but post it?

Title: Three Ways Matt Might Meet Daphne (and One Way He Definitely Won't)
Rating: PG for hot blowdryers.
Pairing: Matt/Daphne, kinda.
Summary: A little romance and a little humor and a lot of Matt Parkman falling for a hot younger woman he can't keep up with-- literally.


Let's not worry about how he's back in New York. He's back in New York, OK, and he sees her walking down the street with an ice cream cone, like a third-grader. This is going to be the woman he marries? Well, all right, then.

"Excuse me."

She turns, cocks her head. She's kinda cute, he supposes, in a little-girl way. The ice cream cone doesn't much help.

"Yeah?" she says after a moment, and he realizes maybe he's been staring.

"Um..." The second thing he realizes is that he doesn't have a clue what to say. "You're Daphne, right?"

She scowls, and he suddenly feels a little bit like he's having tiny bolts of lightning thrown at him. "How d'you know my name?" she demands.

Realization number three is that he must seem really, really creepy under these circumstances. "Look, I know you're not going to believe me," he says hurriedly, "but I think... I think your life might be in danger. It might sound crazy..."

Then, to his great surprise, she shrugs. "Not really," she says, and with a toss of her head, she walks on.

He stands there for a moment. She's retreating fast, and he's going to have to run to catch up with her. But now his muddled mind is running that last head toss over and over in slow motion. It was the first thing she'd done that made her look like a woman, and it was kind of hot.


He's back in Hartsdale at that god-awful facility where he confronted his father, halfway afraid that they've paroled him or something and he's going to run into him. But it's her he runs into instead, and he goes flying backward. She must have hit him damn hard. How'd she do that?

She looks around, hears a bell start to ring. "Crap," she says.

"Wait!" he calls weakly from the wall he's halfway embedded in at this point.

She turns, annoyed. "Do you mind?" she huffs. "I'm trying to get away with stolen goods here, and I don't really have time for conversation."

Now he really feels like he's gotten rammed in the gut. "You're a thief?"

"As you can tell by the scary bell. Why can't alarms play music or something?" She shrugs and looks around a little nervously, but she seems amused enough by his predicament to want to linger.

All he can think is, I marry a thief? ME? Oh, God. Why do I even try?


Don't bother asking how the turtle got to New York with him. It just did, OK?

It did and he needs a tank for it to live in, so he goes down to the pet shop and is browsing aquariums, turtle under his arm. when a voice above him says, "What a cute one. He's African, right? I thought they were illegal to import."

"I, uh, I inherited him," he says, not wanting to glance up and show his face in case she's a plainclothes officer busting reptile-smuggling operations. "I wouldn't know."

"What's his name?"

He blushes a little. He's only ever met one other reptile in his life. "Mohinder."

"That's not African," she says, and he can hear the pout in her voice. Not an officer, he doesn't think. "Hey, you ever wonder what life is like as a turtle?"

Now he's intrigued. "What?"

"You know. They live so slowly. Do you suppose time goes by slower for them? People move so fast, they're always late for something or need something right now, and it's rush rush rush all the time."

He laughs. "I know that."

"Turtles live really long, too," she said. "I wonder if that's because they do everything slowly, so it even takes them longer to die."

"You sound like you want to be a turtle," he says, charmed enough that he straightens up to face her.

Oh. It's her. His mouth goes dry.

"What can I say?" She shrugs. "I can't help being jealous of the tortoise, because I have to live life as the hare."


OK, so now you can ask. The truth is, he reaches out psychically across the ocean and gets hold of Peter. This isn't the Peter who sent him here, this is the Peter who's still a fundamentally decent guy, and Peter says, well, sure I'll TP you back, man, it sucks to be you, did you see any lions?

The next minute, he's in a room he doesn't recognize. There's stationery that says Sheraton, OK, that's a clue. There's a weird noise from the bathroom and there are clothes draped everywhere and Matt hasn't seen a woman for too long and it's not his head, not the right head at least, that leads him to crack the door open and peek at the pink figure who's got the blowdryer going and is singing at the top of her lungs, "Ooh, baby do you know what that's worth?"

Well. He told Peter he had to find her, and find her he has.

"Ooh, heaven is a place on earth..."

And she lowers the blowdryer to dry her other hair.

Matt backs out of the room and into the hallway at record speed. Maybe this isn't the best time to say hello.

Tags: ,
The Art of Feeling Stickykethni on October 7th, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Hehe at all but especially the last one :D
Tiptoe39tiptoe39 on October 7th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
daphne: a natural blond fer sure d00d. :D
saavikam77: Heroes Eclipsesaavikam77 on October 7th, 2008 07:29 pm (UTC)
ROFL!! XD Love this! It really is gonna be a train wreck when he finally meets her, isn't it? :p
shimmeree: haydenshimmeree on October 7th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC)
lmfao. this made my day. thank you.
seraphtrevsseraphtrevs on October 7th, 2008 10:23 pm (UTC)
Ahaha, awesome! The whole Daphne/Matt thing came out of nowhere for me, but this fic helped me believe it a little more. thanks! :D
Ibonekoenibonekoen on October 8th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC)
I LOVE these, lmao. Especially the last one. Just all of it, the opening paragraph, the last, everything in between.
Leo Princessleoprincess on October 8th, 2008 02:18 am (UTC)
That last one for the win!
Sounds like "Kay-nuh": Touched (Blackeye Sylar)razycrandomgirl on October 8th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC)
O_O the "other hair". Who does that with a blow dryer?

I liked the third one. Turtles! But putting him in a tank doesn't seem like a reward. :(

Good job.
blossom_starr on October 26th, 2008 04:49 am (UTC)
These are so much fun! You know, for some reason I had this fantasy of Matt meeting Daphne by having to arrest her. I just thought that be great. I mean, could you imagine how ticked off Matt would be? I love the one where Matt is just all like; " I marry a thief? ME? Oh, God. Why do I even try?"

I also like the fact that Matt named the turtle Mohinder. (:
The Sarcastic Kitty: Bethoresteia on April 18th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
Belinda Carlise is all hey that's my song.
Tiptoe39: musictiptoe39 on April 18th, 2009 11:41 pm (UTC)
Where do you think Daphne learned it? :D